Local turkeys look to ways to outsmart hunters

The International Brotherhood of Turkeys local 223 flocked to their annual meeting today near the Enfield lookout at the Quabbin Reservoir. The agenda was simple. Review casualty numbers generated from the fall hunting season and brainstorm tactics to outsmart hunters in the spring.

(A cold but bright and clear day greeted Pioneer Valley turkeys as they gathered for their annual state-of-the-turkey-union meeting at the Quabbin Reservoir.)

Spokesman, Jake Turkey, a veteran of 4 hunting seasons, says the meetings are simple and to the point. "We're really just looking for ways to outsmart the orangemen, (turkey talk for hunters)." Although Turkey would not reveal actual numbers, he said turkey casualties from hunters have gone down in recent seasons. "We're seeing numbers become increasingly lower," Turkey said. "Although our brains are really small, our members are becoming a bit smarter," he said.

Another reason for the lower numbers may be cheaper turkey calls that are made in China. "The 'made in China' turkey calls have a distinct sound that most of us pick up right away. You humans might say it's like trying to attract a female by using a recording of Don Rickles and Paul Lynde singing Simon and Garfunkle Christmas songs. It just doesn't work," Turkey said.

(Hen thinks twice about crossing)

While casualties from hunters are down, more turkeys are being hit by cars. "People don't know how to drive. Especially in winter. Humans have these big 4-wheel-drive cars and they just run us right down. It's pathetic," said Turkey.

(Hens cross busy intersection around Quabbin)

Just like humans, turkeys have to get from point A to point B. Crosswalks might help with the traffic issue but Turkey said crosswalks are not a cure for common sense. "We have to look both ways before crossing. That might keep the traffic fatalities down," he said.

(Union hens forage before the meeting)